Life’s challenges are not suppose to paralyze you, they are supposed to help you discover who you are.
Bernice Johnson Reagon
Life is a grand battlefield .We get daily challenges in so many forms and in so many types. Sometimes these challenges have long term adverse impact on our minds. It becomes very hard to come out of that sinking feeling. At one point or another, we all go through the challenges.
The most excruciating pain is the pain of losing someone to death. It makes a void in our hearts. I lost my father in 2008. I just lost one of my cousin few months ago. In between I have seen deaths of so many near and dear ones. These painful feelings creates a vacuum inside us.
Life seems to be moving. But we as a human stands at the same place where our near and dear ones left us. We go thorough all this and get settle in that zone. It feels like like you are never going to come out of that. But this is life. We have to come out of that to move on in life. There is no magic pill or short cut for that. It requires persistence , patience and pushing yourself daily towards the living the life.
” The key to life is accepting challenges, Once someone stops this, he’s dead.”
Everything happens inside us. Whether it is happiness , sorrow, shattering or many more feelings. Whatever happens outside is just the stimulus. All the reactions to the outside actions comes from inside us.
1. Embrace the feeling
Most important part of healing our self is embracing the pain. When you want to eliminate the pain , it becomes more prominent. Feeling cannot go away unless you experience it and express it. I could tell this from an experience of one of my friend. She lost her son and it was difficult for her to cope with that grief. She was not feeling anything and she was not in her senses.
And then a psychiatrist came and did a session with her to make her realize that she had lost her son. She was not crying at all. He made her cry . After that session she screamed and cried a lot. After that depressive time, she had many appointments with the counselor. She could never forget the loss. But she has embraced that grief. I mean as mothers we know that it is the most difficult time.
Even now she talks about it but she is better now. She could move on in life along with that void. That void is there, the loss is there but the pain has lessened over time. She remembers the good time spent with her son.Related posts
2. Start keeping a journal about your challenges
It will help you in figuring out the area of pain. Also you will be able to feel the pain at same time and embrace it. Because writing on paper what you are feeling is important. It helps in realizing the hard feeling . This hard feeling could be in any area. Be relationships, professional, personal , you will better by connecting to the pain.
If you know your pain, only then you will be able to find solutions. You cannot hide from difficult times. You have to confront them. Keeping a journal helps in identifying your problems to your self. Express your feelings, your worries, your struggles in your journal. When you know the feeling that is troubling you, you can find a solution or it will take some burden off your brain.
Writing is a powerful way of expressing yourself to you. I know how it feels when same destructive thoughts resurface your mind again and again.
3. Tell your mind to think new things
As humans we all think same stale thoughts everyday. If we are in trouble, we goon thinking about that. We will discuss it with everybody and make it an issue. I don’t say that there are no issues. But if we will pay attention to issues only, they will become bigger. Instead focus on changing the thought pattern of mind. Recognize the problem areas and talk to your mind about solutions.
I had a very bad habit of thinking and talking about the same problem. I talked to myself imagining the other person is in front of me.( Specially if I have to argue with my husband). I myself felt that I am talking loudly to myself. When I understood what I am doing, I immediately change that. First I had to change the topic of my self talk.
4. Stop fearing the unknown
There is always a fear of something unknown. The feeling that “something will happen” snatches the ability of thinking analytically from you. Stop fearing that. Try to remember that nothing happened till today what you have thought. Train your mind to think that you will solve the problem when it will come. And focus on present situation.
5. Reflect on your previous challenges you survived
This is not the first time that life has thrown a challenge on you. Instead it is always like this. There could be the difference in the intensity of the challenges but challenges were always there. The first one being born after so many hurdles. Now think how you survived all the challenges.
Analyze the difference between what you are going through now and what you have gone through earlier. Now pay attention to how you were able to tackle that situation. Same way you could find a solution to the present problem. If you survived those past challenges, you could survive now also.
6. Try to help somebody
I know it is difficult to think about helping others when your own life is not on track. But believe me ,even in those testing times, you will have courage and energy to help others. Helping someone will let you forget your own problem and see the world through different lenses.
There could be your family member or friend who needed your immediate help. And the struggle of other person could be bigger than you. This way you will feel happy and reflecting on your own problems will become easy.
7. Meet your old friends
This is therapeutic. Your friends always have something to cheer you up. They have a kind of therapeutic effect on state of minds. When you sit with your friends, you recall your old times. The best times of life when you had biggest dreams to conquer.
For me, it is like a beautiful dream . You could talk to your friends about your challenges and they will definitely give you a answer which will change your perspective. It may not be the exact solution but this could take you on the path of solution. Because your friends know a lot about you.
8. Go out in nature
Never underestimate the power of natural surroundings. They will not talk to you regarding your problems but will help you by freshening up your mind. And with a fresh mind, it is easy to think about the solutions to problems.
- Embrace your hard feeling. The problem you are facing.
- Start writing a journal about your feelings, your emotions and problems.
- Tell your mind to think about different stories.
- Reflect on your previous problems and how you survived.
- Meet your friends and help someone.
- Go out in nature, it is a good healer.
Please comment how you are coping with the struggles in your life. I would love to connect with you.